Good Weekend

This was a good weekend as far as my stressing over the pregnancy goes. I started to enjoy it and am having some faith that everything will be okay. It helps that my ob office has been great. I was worried last week and they did a blood test just to reassure me. They also told me I can call every day if I want and they will do whatever they need to to give me control of this pregnancy. I also ask if they hold hands and they said they would:) It is so nice to have a doctors office be understanding and tell me that I can call whenever I need and that they will do whatever they can for me. It definitely made me feel better about this pregnancy.



I can't help wondering how Addison would feel about this pregnancy. I know she would only be a year old, but I wonder how she would react as my belly grows and how she would be when her brother or sister comes home. I know she is watching out over us so maybe she will send us some signs to let us know how she is feeling.



On a crazy note, has anyone seen Finding Nemo? I keep signing to my little coffee bean "just keep swimming, just keep swimming". I want the baby to stay in the spa that is my womb until December and am hoping the song will be encouraging. Maybe I will have to watch the movie again so the coffee bean can hear Dory sing to him or her:) Yes, I know I am slightly crazy!

Believing in Miracles

I am going to make a real attempt to think positive about this pregnancy. I am going to Expect Miracles because they can happen! When I went on webmd to do a pregnancy calendar it said the conception date was April 3rd and the due date is December 25th. When I found out that we were pregnant I said it is Addi's Angelversary gift to John and I and that we would have our Christmas miracle. I had no idea how true that was. I just want to point out though, that this baby was not conceived on April 3rd, there is no way. The last thing John and I were thinking of that day is having sex and making a baby. I am still going to think the "conception date" is a sign from Addi saying everything is going to go well and we will get our miracle baby just in time for Christmas.


On Sunday when we found out we were pregnant and I called my family and close friends to tell them and they were so happy for us. My sister even went to Babies R' Us and got the baby a stuffed giraffe and got me some chocolate covered strawberries from Godiva (yummy). Today, when I was at CVS getting a few things I saw a green baby blanket with a giraffe on it, I had to get it. It may seem crazy to buy gifts when I am only 4weeks and 5 days but I don't care. I want to try and enjoy every minute of this pregnancy and if that means buying a gift when I see it then so be it.


John and I also decided that we are going to call the baby coffee bean. I love coffee and can't drink it right now so by calling the baby coffee bean I get coffee all day, every day. We also were teasing that it will be hazelnut if it is a boy and french vanilla if it is a girl. John was talking to my belly the other day and he sniffed and said it smells like hazelnut:) He is just to cute sometimes! Neither one of us cares if it is a boy or a girl as long as it is born alive and healthy. I don't think that is asking to much, do you?

Pregnant

It's happened...John and I are pregnant again! We just found out yesterday after I took 3 tests to confirm it. I was so excited yesterday and now I am just scared out of my mind. I can't get over the fear that something bad will happen to this baby. I really need to stop focusing on it and focus on the positive, I am pregnant. That is all I should be focusing on right now. It is so hard because every little twinge sends panic racing through my mind. It's also hard because I am only 4 weeks along so there is nothing the doctors can do to ease my fears, they can't do an ultrasound this early and I can't see or hear the heartbeat yet.

If anyone out there has any ideas on how I can stop stressing about this pregnancy, I am open to suggestions.

Here are the pictures of the 3 tests that verify I am pregnant! The pictures are blurry, but I think you get the idea:)

This one is hard to see but it says "yes+"

Angelversary Pictures

Saturday's Angelversary for Addi went really well. I of course was freaking out that morning because everything wasn't perfect and then at about 1 (the party was scheduled for 2) I decided it did not matter if it was perfect. People were coming to the house to be with us and help us remember Addi, not to see a perfectly clean house. Instead of rambling on about what Addison's Angelversary I will show you with pictures. There are a lot!

The gifts:

The flowers and Balloon:

The cake and cupcakes:

Addison's Angel Table:

As selfish as this may sound I was so glad that people brought Addison cards, flowers and gifts. It made me feel better knowing my friends and family remembered her and wanted to do something for her. People also donated money in Addison's name to the Empty Arms Support Group John and I go to because they know how much it has helped us.

Having this Angelversary get together was really good for John and I. It also gave our friends and family a way to show us they love her and miss her too. I think it may become a yearly get together.

Firsts

I have a hard time believing that it is already what should be Addison's first birthday. I have been thinking a lot about the other firsts we should be experiencing. Her first diaper, first smile, first cold, first tooth, first time she slept through the night, first time she crawled, first steps, first word, so many firsts that I will never experience with her. Today is another, her first birthday.

We have not really done a lot today because we are preparing for her Angelversary party that we are having tomorrow. We did go to the cemetary and I put candles at the head of her headstone and planted some pansies at the bottom of it.

As we were leaving the cemetary, that is the one and only time I have cried so far today. I almost feel like that makes me a bad mom, because I only cried once. Shouldn't I be crying all day? I don't know, maybe I just can't let it out right now. I just feel numb.

Addison,

On your 1st birthday mommy is thinking of you and loves you so much! I miss you every second of every day! You are always is in my heart.

Love,

Mommy