Sunday, October 4, 2009


I went to a wedding yesterday and it was as hard as I was expecting it to be. First of all it was on the 3rd of the month which is never an easy day and second it was for one of my girlfriends which is a reminder that my little girl will never have a wedding day. I was pretty emotional all day although I hid it until the way home when I started crying. Seeing my friend being walked down the aisle with her dad broke my heart because John can never do that with Addison. I could not even watch the father daughter dance, I tuned it out. John and I danced to the song "Remember When" and I started tearing up at the part when they sing "remember when the sound of little feet wasn't music we danced to week to week". I wish we were able to "dance" to the music of Addison's little feet running around the house looking for a toy or chasing the puppies, but we will never experience it. I try to stay positive and say we will get to do a lot of the things we don't get to do with Addison with Tyler and we will make them more special because we are doing it for both of them, but it's not the same. I want to be able to do all these things and so much more with my little girl. Why is live so unfair? Who decides what babies live and what babies don't? If anyone knows please tell me.