I have never been a big crier but lately that is all I feel like doing. The littlest things set me off. This song by Carrie Underwood sets me off every time, specifically the chorus and the part where the preacher hands her a folded up flag. That part reminds me that all I have left of Addi are a few pieces of her hair and a folded up blanket with the little pink hat she wore inside it.
I remember how happy I was this time last year, thinking Addi is almost here! I am going to be bringing my baby home and I will get to be her mommy and love her and play with her and of course show her off. That never happened though. I still get to be her mommy and love her, but not the way I was planning to. I find myself thinking a lot of last year before Addi was born and then about the couple of weeks after she was born. I still find it hard to believe that my life changed so drastically in an instant, but it did and I will never be the same.