I am feeling so cranky today! I know it is because today Addison should be 11 months old and instead of planning her 1st birthday party, I am printing out invitations and planning her 1st Angelversary. How did the life I was planning on living get to this point? I still don't understand why this happened to us, why did we have to learn how to keep our daughters memory alive instead of learning how to live with a baby?
I just want someone to tell me why we had to lose our baby? Why us? We did everything we were supposed to. We went to the doctors before we started trying to make sure there was no medical reason for us to not get pregnant. I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks and made a doctors appointment right away so I could begin good prenatal care. I took disgusting prenatal vitamins that made me throw up. I went to all of my doctors appointments and listened to all their advice but it still wasn't enough, I still lost my baby. It just doesn't make sense to me, why when we did everything right did the worst thing possible happen?
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There was a rabbi making rounds at Cooley when I was there. I asked him the same question you are now pondering.
ReplyDelete"There are some questions that have no answers."
I know it may not be the answer you were hoping for, but I hope it can give you some peace. There is no good reason. It was nothing you did. Second guessing, grief, regret and anger -they are all part of this aweful process.