Birth Story Part 2

After the initial shock wore off they said they would be transferring me to a delivery room because I was in labor. At this point I had another contraction and I just could not focus. The nurse held my hand and just told me to breath through it. Once the contraction ended, they asked me if we wanted to call anyone. I said I wanted to call my mom. They had the operator dial the number for me and then handed me the phone. One of the hardest things I did was tell my mom that Addison did not have a heartbeat and that she needed to get to the hospital now. My mom does not handle stress well so she immediately started crying and yelling and asking questions. I just told her I did not know and to get to the hospital. The doctor and nurse left us alone why they went to get me a room. I then had John hand me the phone so I could call work because I had called them earlier to say I was in labor and would not be into work that day. I talked to my manager and told him that Addi did not have a heartbeat and could he please tell everyone there and tell them to leave me alone why I try to deal with this. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was in shock as well.
At this point I am just numb, all I could focus on was the fact that I was going to deliver a dead baby. The doctor and nurse transferred me to the delivery room and told me they were going to break my water and then try one last time to see if they could get a heart beat. They were going to use something they could put in the uterus that actually attaches to the baby. They did say that I should realize that the first noise I will hear will be my heartbeat not the babies. When the doctor broke the water she said she could tell that the baby had been dead for awhile because of the color but she tried to get the heart beat anyway. Of course, there wasn't one.
I think this is the point when my mom and sister showed up but most of this day is a blur so forgive me if I get the timeline messed up.
In my birth plan I said I did not want an epidural, I wanted to try having natural birth. I changed my mind on that because, as I told the doctor, I wanted to feel numb. The anesthesiologist came in and put the epidural in. I hate needles and the thought of them putting one in my back while I was having contractions was not a fun thought. I had to lean over the side of the bed and my husband had to help hold me still in that position. He got really hot at this point and i think super overwhelmed from everything that had already gone on that morning that he almost passed out (although he denies this). The nurse made him take off his sweatshirt and lay down with his knees elevated and she took over for him. The doctor told the anesthesiologist to give me a high dose because they both did not think I need to feel any pain on top of everything else. This was nice for awhile but the problem was the contractions slowed done so they had to give me pitocin and lower the epidural. That is when the contractions really kicked in, god did they hurt! They upped the epidural again but not quite as high as it first was. My aunt and cousin came in at some point during this ordeal, which surprised me but I really appreciated them being there for John and I.
At some point my mom was left alone in the room with me and she just started crying. I had to snap at her and tell her to stop because I could not deal with it, I had to focus on delivering Addison and not on anything or anyone else.