19 weeks 1 day update

I am obviously proving that I am not a good blog writer. I don't update very often, but I do come up with posts in my head while I lay in bed, I just never post them:)

Everything is going well with this pregnancy. We have had our level 2 ultrasound and are scheduled for a fetal echo and another follow up ultrasound at the end of August. We did find out what we are having and I will post the picture later.

I have not been dealing well with this pregnancy the last few weeks, I have made 2 appointments to just hear the heartbeat. The doctors are being great though and told me I can see them every week if it makes me feel better. As nice as that would be I really want to try and deal with this pregnancy as close to normally as I can. I am currently going every 3 weeks and after my September appointment I am going to change that to every 2 weeks. The problems with Addison did not happen at the beginning, they happened at the end, and that is when I think my stress level will be through the roof. I know that the doctors are going to do everything they can to have me deliver a happy, healthy baby, but no matter how much we all want it to that does not always happen. As you can see I am not feeling as positive about this pregnancy as I would like to. I really try to and I am seeing a new therapist who is helping me focus on the positives and on the things that are different in this pregnancy. I really miss being the naive pregnant women that I was with Addison. I assumed everything would be fine and that I would have a healthy baby girl. I did not know about all the bad things that can happen, now I do and I wish I didn't.

I don't deal very well when I find out that a friend wants to get pregnant. I almost start lecturing them on what they need to do so they can have the best possible chance to have a healthy baby. I tell them to get on prenatal vitamins right away, to let their doctor know and I tell them what foods are okay to eat and what aren't. I'm never going to just be able to smile and say "that's great!" and then let it go. I don't want what happened to me and my other baby lost mama's to happen to them.

I will try and be good and post the picture of what we are having later this weekend. If I forget feel free to email me and yell at me until I do it.