Trying to Believe in Miracles: I hate April!

As if I needed 1 more reason to hate April. On April 10th my dad died unexpectedly of a massive heart attack. My sister, husband, Tyler and myself were in Washington DC on vacation when we got the call from my mom. We had driven down so we were about 8 hours away. That was the longest drive of my life. We only stopped twice on the way home and thankfully Ty slept most of the way. Once we got home I started reliving what I had experienced 2 years ago. I had to help my mom and sister plan the wake and funeral and decide where to bury my dad. My parents, like a lot of couples, had never discussed what they wanted. We decided to bury my dad at the same cemetery as Addison so they could be close. The day my dad died I said the only silver lining is that he can be with Addison and she gets to be with her Grandpa.

Right now I don't know how to grieve. I don't know how to continue being an effective mother to Ty and deal with all his needs when I have to grieve my dad and I don't feel like I really can. I want to do what I did after Addison and that's sleep until I am strong enough to deal with all these emotions and having a 4 month old baby makes that impossible. Below are pictures of my dad.