Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Here it comes again

Time is fast approaching what should be Addison's 2nd birthday and instead it is her 2nd Angelversary. I have been very emotional lately and trying not to let it show. I cry watching TV shows that show moms and daughters or fathers and daughters, I cry listening to songs on the radio and I cry when I read the book Love You Forever to Tyler.
All I keep thinking about is that I should have my almost 2 year old daughter running around my house, at times driving me nuts because she won't be quiet when Tyler is sleeping and at time melting my heart because she is loving her brother so much.
I feel so guilty that Tyler will never get to meet his sister and that my husband and family will never get to see her grow up. I still feel that it is my fault that Addison is not here, why didn't I know that something was wrong? Maybe I could have saved her? These questions never fully go away, but they are much more present as her Angelversary approaches. I also am remembering how I felt at this point 2 years ago. I was so excited that it was almost time to meet Addison face to face, I wasn't at all scared of labor and delivery, I just wanted her here! I want to go back and feel her kick me and some how find a way to save her so she can be here now.

1 comment:

  1. I know so well and hate that feeling of dread- if I could only go back and change how it went. That longing, I think, will never completely fade.

    Know that I am thinking of you and your two children. Take good care and be gentle with yourself during this time.